Monday, November 1, 2010

Kehidupan yang tidak menentu arah

HI aper khabar semua? Sorry busy sikit sejak kebelakangni...entry kali ni memang akan menyakitkan tapi I terpaksa kerana I taknak melukakan hati sapa2. Selama 1 bulan I kenal dengan seorang gadis yang boleh mengatakan bahawa saya suka kat dia, mula2 memang I suka kat dia dan mulai cinta dia tapi entah kenapa minggu lepas I rasa macam I terlalu buru sangat untuk relationship.

Lebih2 lagi kalau dia tahu yang saya ada perasaan terhadap sesama jenis mesti ini akan mencetuskan masalah besar antara kami dan mungkin jugak menyebabkan hidup kami hancur.I want to be who am I instead of wearing a mask in front us her and back to my real life when she's not around. I better hurt her now but not in future instead, this is about both of us life and I don't want to spoil it because of my real character.

Moreover this is a girl life and I don't wish to play a fool stuff in it. I'm going to explain slowly to her about this soon or later and I know that it might be hurt her and me but I don't have choice for it. I don't want the same thing that was happen last time in my love life occur this time as well.

During the period I know her I found lots of opponent character that almost make me pits of but I didn't show it to her anyway. Maybe I did mistake as well while talking to her but I found that she's not a open type minded person where really opposite me and every time I need to surrender even though she make mistake but I've to give and take. What's the point if only me give and take?

For me, I maybe matured in my working life, personal and study life but not really sure about the love life. Maybe I need more time for this to think about it or maybe I'm still young for this. I'm just 21 and still have a long journey to go, while the journey I might learn and see lots of stuff and gain more experience and I don't want get into this relationship and didn't get anything at then end of the day.

So now I'm thinking for my and her future as well and take everything into account, the circumstances and consequences that might happen in the future. Come on, this is really a serious matter because this is life so I need to be very careful in decision making.