Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Things has changed much

It’s been almost 1 month after the so call no sweet moment with me and J but it seems changed most especially in J himself.  It can be clearly seen in J, the way he talk to me, the way he text me and his behaviors really changed from what I’d seen in him before this.

As you guys know, there’s few month where me and J practiced distance relationship while I work at Pahang and he at KL. No doubt it’s enough to create problem between us I mean yeah people do always say distance relationship will not stand long. For me it is totally wrong, take me and J as example. We really made it for almost few months, as long as there’s trust we can sleep peacefully.

After that much things happen between us where J keep quiet for almost a month where he can not to answer my call nor reply my messages.  I thought that’s it, nothing can be done anymore and it’s the end of our relationship at that point of time but I still wait for me, I want him to make the move to tell me to back off if he really wanted to break this. I was almost lost my confidence over this and the feeling tortured my every day, I could no longer be patient anymore to hold on this.

So I called him to break this off, he answered and acknowledged the break of this relationship. I felt freedom at that point off time, a strange sound inside me ask me to enjoy my life. Go out and get a life rather than keep thinking about this, and I thought there’s nothing more between me and J anymore and it’s time to move on in my life. Alif, is the place where I learn to be happy, a person who make me laugh every day. Don’t get me wrong people, there’s nothing going on between us, not more a friend to be precise.

I could only able to thought this is how it should be, I should move on and be happy always. Even try to hide my feelings and pretended to be happy, J always in my mind, in my heart and he is at everywhere I see. Yet I denied the feelings and being ego but not J, he messaged a few days after. The message sounds like this:

J              : Hye dear, knp senyap jew?

PP           : Nothing, but ask that to yourself!

J              : What did I do?

PP           : Don’t ask me! What you want from me for god sake!

J              : Just you dear, nothing else but just you

PP           : *started to cry*

Believe me or not, the word he said *just you dear, nothing else but just you* I still can remember it clearly. I could feel his sincerity in that words and voice, so peaceful and calm as if like I’m combined with his soul. That’s it, he is the one! I decided immediately that he is one for me, hey come on this breakup thingies happens to me and J before but we still get back together. I don’t J’s motif for doing so like when I say let’s breakup with emotional and he’ll say ok. But the nest day, he still text me. I mean, I don’t know but don’t you guys feels something different in J? I could feel it, J is a total different person from all I've known this while, and he is completely different.

After so call drama, everything changes in him. He played an important role to save our relationship and it seems positive, a changes where I didn't see in J before. Ohm, he text me every morning and I can feel that we’re even more closer than before. J seems to be more protective of me, he don’t allow me to meet with anyone that I recently know, he control me in terms of financial well not much but at least I can see he is trying. I don’t know how many lovers willing to give money to their lover but J gave me money and of course I’ll give it back to him and I did haha, but doesn't that fascinating? The feelings is so different in me, I love him even more. J also started to angry at me sometime, like scold me when I done something wrong and yeah its fun haha. He even use *sayang* when texting which he never done it before, we go shopping, we go for movie. It’s going good for now and I’m trying everything to protect it.

I love you J…..

Until then, so & so