Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Something wrong somewhere with me!

Hey gus, not to talk to much and let us straight to the point this time. I'm not sure why but I have the feeling something wrong somewhere with me. I'm seriously not doing really good neither in my work, study nor my relationship especially in love! I just can't figure it out why, I'm so slow for moving forward yet I'm motivating myself for doing better. I know it can't be helped by others unless by myself.

I'm not productive enough in my work like earlier! I easily get tired and no mood to work sometime with those problem arise in work, especially problem among in my department. Everyone aspect me to solve it and why me, not them? I just don't understand and didn't mean don't want to help them but just that how about my own task on the other hand. I'm too young to hold so much of responsibilities on both shoulder, I'm so tired especially today, even I'm sick I'd attended 3 meetings from morning 11.30am, noon at 2.30pm and evening 4.30pm yesterday. In such situation how did you aspect me to take care of other issue? I tried to discuss with my boss but he reluctant and keep saying that I can handle this.

Even I don't have much energy to do all today but I fought with my body and tortured myself to do everything by running up and down at the site and solve department issues. Not enough with this plus with my workers issue where I required to involve in HR matters to help sort out this by not causing any problem with the workers and for the company. Sometime I've the doubt which department I'm working for but there's one time where HR'd offered me to switch to their department but my boss hold me on, how selfish he is man hahahaha.

And today, I lost one of my engineer from my department due to his misconduct where slept at work place and he gotten a third warning letter, even conducted DI for him. At last, jury decided to give their verdict as termination, I'd try to back him up as much as I can but they seems hold in their verdict. I'm not good enough being their supervisor when I can't even protect my own workers. He eyes were full of tears when he about to say goodbye to me and hug me for the last one, even though I'm sad too but I've to motivate and give him strength to move on, wish him all the best and send him off.

Talking about my love life, I just don't understand my feelings inside me. I'm so confuse with myself, since there are few tackling me main is Safar and second is Syam. Both of them are seems good and taking care of me but I just don't want to hurt them. Why can't I be honest with myself and with them? I know how it's feel when people play with your feelings, it is the most hurt part in our life but I'm just being friend with them and at the same time I'm like them as well. Somehow rather I need to remain as what I am and choose the best for myself and if I can't I'll be friend with them rather than hurt one and love another one.

No matter what, I need to chase up and torture myself to become better. I've no choice and I've too simply because being the highest I must promote being a good one then only others will tend to follow. Ok, see you guys in next entry ok! So stay tune!