Friday, December 30, 2011

It's time to say hello to :::Good Bye:::

Guess what, it's time to warp up 2011, a year with so much of feelings, happy, sad, disappointment, challenges, ect ect ect. No one realize that time really flies just like river that never stop from flowing. However, those moment taught me to become more stronger in my life and how I should be in future.

Personal Life

Hmmm let's see what can I talk here! I always taught myself to let go the past, keep the goods and throw the bads. I'm sure all of you aware how my family members are and I'm not talking bad or let you guys look down on them but it's a bit too much for me to accept for what happen throughout the year. What ever it is, none of it stop me from keep moving forward, that's for sure. I've been through a lot in my life but none of them stop me to continue walking on my life journey. What I think is right, I'll do it. What I think is wrong, I'll think twice. What I think I'm not sure, I'll always seek for advice.

Some say I'm a good adviser which I don't how good I am in that part but I'll try my level best to advice for those needed my help. I'll always there for everyone, include my enemy. No matter how many times I fall, I never fail to rise again! I always learn from my own mistake and learn from other mistake. My life taught me to put myself in others shoe to feel their pain. Everyone have their own problem and I've mine, I taught myself to find the solution for it instead of wasting my time to think about the problem which ain't going to gain me anything.

I'm happy with what I've in my life now and god knows what's the better thing for me! Nothing is impossible for me, I believe everything is easy but just the matter of whether I trust myself or not, I know I believe in myself.

Love Life

What else can I say other that this is happiest year for me when Alif proposed me indirectly. I'll never forget that moment! As I always mention, love has no border but your heart should be placed at one person which deserve the most, I choose Alif! I'm so attached to him and I know one day he'll choose the right way, I'm already prepared to face that situation. Love is all about, understanding, give and take but love is not all about sex!

There is few asked me why we haven't have sex yet? Is sex really necessary in a relationship? Yes, I understand that sex is to show how much a person love you but not only sex can does that, there are lot's of way which can a person show how much he love you. As for now, both of us yet to concern about the sex part and we're happy with our current life.

Yes, humans needs indeed are really high especially when you saw a handsome guys which is your taste and easy to fall. I admit that because I'm a human as well but when ever I does that, I always force myself to think about Alif, Alif will be always in my mind and heart which wakes me up from the devil's! For now, I'm happy with Alif because he know me better and I know him better. No one can replace Alif in my life, I just simply love him with the way he is now :)

Work Life

Nothing much about work life but indeed a year with full of challenges and a bit slower than last year. I'm too tired I guess, perhaps needed a vacation to relax my mind. I'm so proud of myself for my own achievement throughout the year plus the position I am now. I'm not sure how many young people are like me out there but this is a bit more that I though off. Being in this position is not easy, sometime I just have to make a right decision to protect my people. What ever it is, I always motivate myself to do better :)

Friends Life

Thanks to all my blogger friends especially Abang Daus, Abang Numan, Abang Dam, Abang John, Akmal, Abang Zainin and all the other friends for the support that have been given me to all this while. Not to forget my dear Abang Zack that already married on 25th December 2011, I'm really happy for him for the decision that he made, right one! I'm sad because he no more going to blog but I believe that I'll gain one after I lost one.

If anyone wanted to be my friends, you are always welcome. I've no problem to be friends with anyone as long as you don't over the border. There are few friends asked me get away from their life and I did but now they want to be friends with me again. I'm sorry to say, I'll never turn back once I made my decision after you requested so! This is me where no one can change me except Alif :) I never choose anyone to be my friend and everyone deserve to be friend with me.

Final Words

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone and I really appreciate for being a part of my life and for the advice all this while. I always here for everyone and will try my level best to help for those who needed.

It's my time to start a new life book with more confidence and brave enough to face more challenges! I believe in myself that nothing can stop me from my life journey which is still long way to go. I know it's not easy but nothing is impossible in my life to do anything. What ever had happened in my life I'm just let it go and learn from it and be prepare for the new year.

For 2012, I've few targets which I really need to work hard to get it done especially my study, going to be a tough year but I know I can do it. See you guys in 2012 and wish all of you have a wonderful new year!

It's time to say good bye 2011 and it will be always in my memory :)

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Lesson Learned......

I'm sure most of you are aware of the recent incident about me and Zam. I don't want to comment more on that part since I'm trying to get rid of it. As I said before, I been straight forward with Zam that I cannot continue have feelings on him anymore and he know the reasons. However, I can't ask him to stop the feelings on me because that's his right and who am I to say no. Love have no border so if he still love me then it is his problem not mine, as for me I already close the chapter.

I do received lots of comment for such incident, some do comment in the blog, some do text me, some do called me and some do drop me massage in FB. Thanks guys and I do appreciate all those comments and at the same time I do lost my dignity. I indeed shamed myself by have such feelings on others while having someone in my life. I can never forgive myself for this and will find a perfect time to talk with Alif about this, I'll let him to make the decision and I'll obey for it no matter what he decide.

At this moment I'm trying to recover from the guilty feelings which hunting me for almost everyday. I know some would say not to worry because I've never done anything yet but one must remember even love have no border but you shall give your heart to only one person which deserve for it!

I always learn from the mistake and this mistake indeed tough me a big lesson. Human are always easy to make mistake but the matter of point is whether did we learn from it or not. When ever before I did something, I will always remind myself to think twice. Let's learn together :)

Friday, December 9, 2011

Wrong way...!

Today, well not exactly today and I know this guy name Zam. He already married with few kids which already grew up and studying at college, university level. He is about early 40 years old, I guess! I know him like 4 to 5 month but at first I get to know him as friend, perhaps as brother I guess.

We always chat at YM, talk in the phone and sms sometime. Day by day, I don't how to describe it 100% but at least I know some how rather this kind of feeling is wrong! I'd tried to fight the feelings but it growing up aggressively inside me with my knowledge but I'd nothing to stop. Even though me and him (Zam) didn't contact each other daily, often to be precise but when we saw each other in YM we'll started to chat and he'll so kind to me by using romantic words which I always melt for! I won't said it as a love on him but just like him that's all but he do love me!

And today, I felt so bad towards Alif and feel cheating behind him, indeed I am! Me and Zam planned to meet end of this month but right after everything is completed such as planning, I started to think what the fuck am I doing, I'm such a bitch! I'm so disappointed at my behavior and shame at myself for doing such without Alif knowledge, how cheap I am!

I just can't understand why can I tell the truth to those wanted to tackle me that I already have bf and control my feelings at them but why can't at Zam? Is that because he always talk sweet to me? I don't know and I can't understand why. But at last I'd made up my mind that this is entirely bullshit and fucking wrong which is not right at all, indeed it is not right! This is not me, not a real me, I'm so weak! I felt so bad for what I've done and I know there's no point being sad what had happen but rather find solution to solve it.

Well, I really can't forgive myself for this to let such things occurs. The first big mistake that I was made is create the feelings on Zam and let me flow on it! I know it's not too late to solve this but I must learn from it, that is why human always makes mistake, am I right and this is not the right excuse, I know! But however, I must stop it right away and be straight forward at Zam for let him have no feelings on me anymore and same goes to me as well. I know he like me but I'm belong to only Alif, not for others! I do feel sorry for Zam and of course Alif what I had did to him!

No matter what happen, I'm only for Alif until our relationship end! I love you so much awk....