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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

All about me..... (part 2)

Hey guys, actually I don't have the right mood to update the blog today but something was happened to me this morning and evening which forced me update it no matter what. As all of you can guess which the matter of course related all about me (part 2). I think the part 2 entry will be a bit emotional though. Have you guys ever experienced before your own family member talk and look down at you? Well I'd experienced it this morning when my sister said that I'm pondan! Hm I was stunned and don't know what to say and reply, I was kept quite and continue my daily routine even it is hurt me inside but pretended as nothing happen to me. My heart was so broken when I heard that words, really hurt deep inside my heart.

Second is where one of my blog having a relationship issue with his boyfriend where almost broke up but I tried my level best to help them by advising both. After few days of struggling at last they get back together but all of sudden on my friend earlier post annoyed at me buy stop judging people and watch out my mouth. I was stunned again! I don't know what I did until turn him to that angry at me, all I was trying to do is just helping him out that but I don't have any other intention on him or his boyfriend either.

After a while I realize that I was make a biggest mistake in my life, who am I to judge others! Who gave me the rights to do so? All this while, I'm judging people by the name of advicing then and never realized of it. How could I made a mistake? As others said, we all are human so is normal make mistake and I sincerely admit that. It's alright at least I know what I was doing and where was my mistake, I'm really tired of this! I always like to help my friends but some time they wrongly though me that being busy body with their life. Anyhow, I've to put a full stop for this before it get worse than now.

I always like to motivate myself to keep cheer up so that I won't look so down till don't have to mood to anything. Some of you might think that I'm crazy when I say I'll talk to myself while driving alone or in my room, sometime it makes me feel better, I feel like I talk to some one which same like me and advicing myself. When ever I feel down or sad, I'll talk like this at least I can make myself calm down and release from the sad or down.

No matter how much I've gone through in my life but it'll never fail to rise me up again! Daily life tought me a lot on how I should in future and I know the direction of my life. It might not appropriate for me to talk about my parents bad habits nor look talk bad about them but this is the only place where I can put up all my words. I do love my parents but they always support my sister at the end of the day, I didn't it's wrong but at least make her realize of her mistakes. I'm not sure whether did I tell you guys about my study financial problems? There was a time when I really needed money for my study and that was my first year which I need to pay almost RM10k to University of London immediately. What will most you guys will do? Will ask parents for money right, well I'd the same but the answer from my dad was amazing "You find your own way, I don't have that amount of money"! I just smile back at my dad and mum and return back to my room but one think was made me curious! If they said they don't have money but how come they can settle my sister debt over RM40k while my sister not even care about her debt? But I didn't ask them, I was just sit and think where I can get the money!

After thinking a while I ask my brother but I'd aspected the answer from them "use you money"! That was the time I started to not trust anyone in my life! Guess what a guy age 19 can do for money? Yes, I have job but as a clerk and how much I could earn and pay the fees? I decided to take loan from bank, that's the last choice I've but there was problem as well, who will be my guarantor? All of my idea didn't work and at last wrote a letter to UOL and they agreed to receive the money in small amount just like an instalment every month and started my studies. When I think back those moment, I couldn't cry because I've no more tears and now my heart being cold to everything and everyone.

There's still a lot about me on how I gain when ever I fall but not today. I'm so tired of everything, I want to be alone and wish I could be sitting at beach enjoying the cold wind. I really need a shoulder for to laid on but I rather keep everything with me. That all for today and part 3 will be publish if I'm still alive face everything, I'll alive because I believe in myself.

Soon or later I'm planning to close this blog or make it a private blog. Sorry, my intention was just not to disturb anyone nor angry at anyone but just keeping a distance. Start today, I'll be no more commenting on other blog, just read is enough. If I ever did hurt anyone Numan, bang Zack, Qemal, bang Daus, bang John and ect, I'm sincerely asking for apology. Thank you so much for the guide and advice.

5 comments:

Naga Sepi said...

Pat,

This is what we call life. Ys it may suck at times (which sucks alot now) but if you are strong and prevail, only then you will reap what you dream in the future. Be strong lil brother, as this is the only thing that i can say to you (nak panjam bahu, xbley plak sebab jao kan?). I know u can overcome this coz you have had experienced quite a lot in your life as of now. Iam saying this not just to remind you, but to remind mself also, as i also have struggling issues now. But the thing is, i keep my head help up high, and treat that as one of the challenges in my life.

P/S: Who cares what that person wanna say about you, just bear in mind, if you are sincere to help them and not wanting sumting in return, that is enough. Do not make that pull you down. You are wonderful person and you deserve better ^^

Sabar dan tabah la Pat!!!

Zack Hunter said...

agree with Daus.. life must goes on.. u do have an enormous inner strength.. just embrace it.. sila bertabah yer Pat..

*toksah risau, hang xde salah apa2 pun kat aku.. senyum skit... =)

JoHn said...

Patrick: Selamat menempuh hari mendatang....

you can't shut a people mouth but u can cover ur own ears....

Anonymous said...

Selamat menempuh cabaran sebagai manusia yea ... be strong n firm like Me ..NUMAN QATADAH :)

Prince Patrick said...

Naga: Thanks bang Daus

Zack: :)

John: Bang John, I'm trying to shut my ears :)

Numan: Bang Numan ko apasal tiba2 jadi Anonymous plak...ko kena sawan erk...hahahaha