Sunday, August 21, 2011

There is....but no more now!

Today at about 3pm my mum told me that my sister was admitted in the hospital and going to give birth soon. But it didn't caught me surprised at all and why should I since some of the incident which make me not to! I didn't start nor ask for it but she does by some of the sarcastic words. Since from that day, I've told my mum that I won't involve in her life anymore and why should I? I'm not angry but just disappointed of that incident which still hurting me everyday when I heard that words and my heart so broke.

I've heard so much and been through so much in my life but this time my heart really broke into pieces. From that day, I told myself I no need anyone in my life. I've decided it and not going to change it until I reach my day. Whatever it is, is enough! Those words really hurt-ed me a lot than I broke up with my ex.

Yes there's love before in my heart but no more now! That's the reason when I see some who trying to know me or tackle me, I seriously not feel anything, the feel of love is just not there. I feel really numb and get bored by loving those people around me. Everyone have their own life and I've mine, nevermind, my parents seems happy for my sister so let them be and I know they won't let their daughter down no matter what unlike me, even is not my mistake but the blame will be on me and I get used to it. But what make me sad was it's my own family treat me like that, I won't care if my friend did that to me but my own family.

That's the reason why I always wish there's a person who always for me, just for me! But at the end of the day, I'll be nothing for them as well so what's the point but no harm wishing and imagine that there's a person who hug me, tell me "don't worry pat, I'm here for you"! Even I'm tough most of the time but I'm human who have feelings like others as well, sometime is better to cry myself, even there's no one beside me to hear and feel my pains but at least I could calm myself by crying instead.

Human, which is a creature by god and really difficult to understand so there'll be no one to understand me fully. If there's any, I'm really appreciate that with my full heart and honest heart. I need to be more tougher now to face everything since it was my own life journey, even the journey is not going to be too long but fair enough to live till today.


Naga Sepi said...

xpe dik..take that as a challenge...
that is what life is all about :)

for what's its worth, i am here for you :))walaupon jauh, tapi itu tidak membataskan apa2 hekhek~

Anonymous said...

stay cool pat.. Tahniah dpt anak saudara baru.. hehe

Prince Patrick said...

Daus: Thanks bang Daus :)

Zack: Hahaha I'll never welcome anyone in my life :)