Tuesday, September 25, 2012

When I lost the faith...

I wanted to post about this 2 weeks ago but since I was busy and was diverted to not happy mood so I decided to post it now.

Jef decided to take no responsibilities when it comes to relationship level and he end the dating period.  I didn't mad nor angry at him or at his decision because is better to said it out earlier then suffering later. I don't know, all I can say is Jef change a lot he is not the person whom I know earlier who always have time for me, who ask me for a date, go for movie, shopping but past couple of month he seems too far away from me.

Sometime he'll not message me for 1 week and not even want to answer my call. Yet, I believe in him, trust him that he's busy with work and his personal life. I do feel so lonely sometime, I just kept it all in my heart, I endure the tears which almost fall from my eyes, all because I don't want him to lost the faith on me but for how long am I going to endure it.

After a couple of weeks, he decided to be friends and nothing more than that. Believe me or not, I really felt nothing when he said that. I felt numb, like no feelings, like he is not important to me at all. I don't know what is wrong with at that point of time but I must say I felt freedom to be honest which I no bound for anyone, I repeat just not anyone!

After-all, we're yet to commit into relationship which made me not to worry much so I just let it go with his decision. Let him happy with his work and his personal life, I don't want to interfere nor to think whether he found someone else. I just don't want to think too much on this, if he decided to leave just go and don't disturb me with your life.

After a few days he came back with a message via what'sapp!

Jef: Good night dear, I miss you so much ( I was like what the hell)


Jef: Dear

Me: Yes

Jef: Tdo?

Me: Xderlah, baru siap makan. Jap lagi balik tido lah

Jef: Kat maner ni

Me: Baru sampai umah

Jef: Ic

Jef: Nite dear syg

Jef : Morning dear

Me: Good morning.

I'm sorry guys, I don't have the intention to embarrass Jef in public place like this but sometime I just wanted to let it out from my heart. I had enough with this kind of pain and I'm not going to endure it any more. I still do have feelings for Jef but for this time being, I want to remain cold on him, let him understand my feelings how I felt when I was lonely. If he found someone else, I've no problem to get rid of the feelings on him, it's not a big deal for me after-all since there's a lot of people who throw away my feeling on them like trash, enough of care for other! Let it be, I just don't give a damn how all of you want to judge me.

1 comment:

Abang Zai said...

alamak...who's jeff arrr?