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Sunday, January 22, 2012

First time fight......


Korang pernah tak gaduh ngan bf korang? Well, me and Alif did have fight hahahah and it was really fun to fight with the one you love actually. It is not enough only love fill everything in a relationship but a bit happy, a bit sad, a bit sour, a bit fun and not to forget fight! Fight is not in a sense of slap each other or biting each other but a tiny mouth fight haha. It's kind of fascinating anyway, right?

Sebenarnya, housemate aku plan nak gi redbox jumaat minggu lepas tapi tak jadi plak. Alif ni kalau bab2 karok ni memang akan jadi gila hahaha sebab dier suka nyanyi...biasalah sebab setiap malam sebelum tido mesti dier akan nyanyi untuk aku hehe (malu saya tau :p) So Alif meroyan lah sebab tak dapat nak pergi karok and aku pun cakap lah kita pergi karok biasa jewlah kat area kita orang tinggal tapi dier xnak plak sebab dier cakap tak best nyanyi sorang and akku plak xnak nyalak. Yerlah, nanti tak pasal2 orang semua mati sebab gempa bumi kan hehe suara very the merdu gitew...

So lepas dinner malam tu masa on the way balik tu, kita orang borak lah pasal karok tu tiba2 Alif yang tengah makan ice cream angkat tangan and aku pun mengelak lah sebab ingatkan dier nak pukul aku ker aper...jeng3..... nak tau apa yang berlaku selepasnya :

Alif: Eh kenapa dengan awk ni?

Aku: Awk tu ha..angkat tangan nak pukul saya :(

Alif: Eh maner ada...saya angkat tangan nak tunjuk belakang lah...

Aku: Yerlah tu..ni kes nak pukul orang sebab tak dapat nak pergi karok lah ni

Alif: Lah..orang nak tunjuk karok kat belakang...bukan nak pukul awk ...awk tu perasan sangat

Aku: Oooo saya perasan lah sekarang? Yang awk nak pukul saya kenapa?

Alif: Bila masa plak saya nak pukul awk..awk tu salah faham...

Aku: Awk jangan..saya ada bukti haaa

Alif: haaa aper bukti awk? Saya nak tau sekarang jugak....

Aku: ah saya tak kisah...awk nak pukul saya tadi...

Pergaduhan ini berlangsung sehingga ke pintu umah dan.....

Alif: Eh umah awk bukan kat sini...kat sana tu..suh suh suh

Aku: Ok...fine..(sambil berjalan ker arah lain)

Lepas masuk umah :

Alif: eh kenapa masuk sini? Ni bukan bilik awk..

Aku: Ok xperlah saya tido kat luar (tapi tido kat bilik jugak hehe)

Hari kedua (sabtu)!!!

Aku: Awk..bang fakrul cakap malam ni kita pergi red box

Alif: Eh yeker..bestnya

Fakrul (housemate): Eh pepek...u ada kelas hari ni?

Aku: ada bang! (buat muka sedih)

Fakrul: jangan pergilah..hehehe

Alif: Gi kelas! (suara marah)

Aku: Baik tuan....(buat mulut muncung kat fakrul)

ok lah we all had fun kat red box and dalam LRT it was fun with Alif making joke macam orang asing hahaha. Ber-encik2 hahahah was really fun tapi boleh dier tarik aku pergi kat polis kata aku ditinggalkan hahahah jahat tau dier tu...and kita orang dinner kat hotel yang abang fakrul kerja..gaduh lagi...

Aku: Awk..hensenya abang fakrul dalam uniform dier...

Alif: Yang awk meroyan ni kenapa?

Aku: Lah kenapa plak..ada aku kesah...awk....abang fakrul hensem lah wak...

Alif: ada aku kesah! awk..saya nak rantai macam awk pakai tu...

Aku: rantai macam ni...(buat muka pelik)

Alif: hmm kita tau xkan dapat..

Aku: awk.... :( sampai hati awk ckap macam tu...

Alif: Ada aku kesah...hahahahahahahah

Aku: awk..jangan lah macam ni wak..awk tak pernah buat saya macam ni...

Alif: lah..aper yang saya buat? oooo awk main2 boleh...tapi saya nak main2 ngan awk xleh plak...

Aku: awk tu cakap ada aku kesah :(

Alif: dah awk yang ajar...

Aku: SAya bukan ajar awk..saya cakap kat abang fakrul...

Alif: Tapi saya boleh dengar!

Aku: awk buat lah penghadang.....

Alif: hahahah lawak lah awk ni...

Hari Ke-tiga (ahad)

Lepas breakfast dalam kul 10.30am... :

Alif: Yang awk bawak banyak beg ulang alik ni kenapa?

Aku: 1 beg ni laptop, 1 beg ni baju dan buku...

Alif: Xyah...letak dalam satu beg...boleh muat tu...

Aku: wak....

Alif: xyah nak ngada2..letak dalam satu beg...

Aku: hmm ok awk

hahah that's all pergaduhan yang sweet sangat antara saya ngan alif last week. Hahah saya happy sangat sebab sebelum kita orang tak pernah gaduh langsung...I love him so much :)

Friday, December 30, 2011

It's time to say hello to :::Good Bye:::


Guess what, it's time to warp up 2011, a year with so much of feelings, happy, sad, disappointment, challenges, ect ect ect. No one realize that time really flies just like river that never stop from flowing. However, those moment taught me to become more stronger in my life and how I should be in future.

Personal Life

Hmmm let's see what can I talk here! I always taught myself to let go the past, keep the goods and throw the bads. I'm sure all of you aware how my family members are and I'm not talking bad or let you guys look down on them but it's a bit too much for me to accept for what happen throughout the year. What ever it is, none of it stop me from keep moving forward, that's for sure. I've been through a lot in my life but none of them stop me to continue walking on my life journey. What I think is right, I'll do it. What I think is wrong, I'll think twice. What I think I'm not sure, I'll always seek for advice.

Some say I'm a good adviser which I don't how good I am in that part but I'll try my level best to advice for those needed my help. I'll always there for everyone, include my enemy. No matter how many times I fall, I never fail to rise again! I always learn from my own mistake and learn from other mistake. My life taught me to put myself in others shoe to feel their pain. Everyone have their own problem and I've mine, I taught myself to find the solution for it instead of wasting my time to think about the problem which ain't going to gain me anything.

I'm happy with what I've in my life now and god knows what's the better thing for me! Nothing is impossible for me, I believe everything is easy but just the matter of whether I trust myself or not, I know I believe in myself.

Love Life

What else can I say other that this is happiest year for me when Alif proposed me indirectly. I'll never forget that moment! As I always mention, love has no border but your heart should be placed at one person which deserve the most, I choose Alif! I'm so attached to him and I know one day he'll choose the right way, I'm already prepared to face that situation. Love is all about, understanding, give and take but love is not all about sex!

There is few asked me why we haven't have sex yet? Is sex really necessary in a relationship? Yes, I understand that sex is to show how much a person love you but not only sex can does that, there are lot's of way which can a person show how much he love you. As for now, both of us yet to concern about the sex part and we're happy with our current life.

Yes, humans needs indeed are really high especially when you saw a handsome guys which is your taste and easy to fall. I admit that because I'm a human as well but when ever I does that, I always force myself to think about Alif, Alif will be always in my mind and heart which wakes me up from the devil's! For now, I'm happy with Alif because he know me better and I know him better. No one can replace Alif in my life, I just simply love him with the way he is now :)

Work Life

Nothing much about work life but indeed a year with full of challenges and a bit slower than last year. I'm too tired I guess, perhaps needed a vacation to relax my mind. I'm so proud of myself for my own achievement throughout the year plus the position I am now. I'm not sure how many young people are like me out there but this is a bit more that I though off. Being in this position is not easy, sometime I just have to make a right decision to protect my people. What ever it is, I always motivate myself to do better :)

Friends Life

Thanks to all my blogger friends especially Abang Daus, Abang Numan, Abang Dam, Abang John, Akmal, Abang Zainin and all the other friends for the support that have been given me to all this while. Not to forget my dear Abang Zack that already married on 25th December 2011, I'm really happy for him for the decision that he made, right one! I'm sad because he no more going to blog but I believe that I'll gain one after I lost one.

If anyone wanted to be my friends, you are always welcome. I've no problem to be friends with anyone as long as you don't over the border. There are few friends asked me get away from their life and I did but now they want to be friends with me again. I'm sorry to say, I'll never turn back once I made my decision after you requested so! This is me where no one can change me except Alif :) I never choose anyone to be my friend and everyone deserve to be friend with me.

Final Words

Anyway, thank you so much to everyone and I really appreciate for being a part of my life and for the advice all this while. I always here for everyone and will try my level best to help for those who needed.

It's my time to start a new life book with more confidence and brave enough to face more challenges! I believe in myself that nothing can stop me from my life journey which is still long way to go. I know it's not easy but nothing is impossible in my life to do anything. What ever had happened in my life I'm just let it go and learn from it and be prepare for the new year.

For 2012, I've few targets which I really need to work hard to get it done especially my study, going to be a tough year but I know I can do it. See you guys in 2012 and wish all of you have a wonderful new year!

It's time to say good bye 2011 and it will be always in my memory :)




Sunday, December 25, 2011

Lesson Learned......


I'm sure most of you are aware of the recent incident about me and Zam. I don't want to comment more on that part since I'm trying to get rid of it. As I said before, I been straight forward with Zam that I cannot continue have feelings on him anymore and he know the reasons. However, I can't ask him to stop the feelings on me because that's his right and who am I to say no. Love have no border so if he still love me then it is his problem not mine, as for me I already close the chapter.

I do received lots of comment for such incident, some do comment in the blog, some do text me, some do called me and some do drop me massage in FB. Thanks guys and I do appreciate all those comments and at the same time I do lost my dignity. I indeed shamed myself by have such feelings on others while having someone in my life. I can never forgive myself for this and will find a perfect time to talk with Alif about this, I'll let him to make the decision and I'll obey for it no matter what he decide.

At this moment I'm trying to recover from the guilty feelings which hunting me for almost everyday. I know some would say not to worry because I've never done anything yet but one must remember even love have no border but you shall give your heart to only one person which deserve for it!

I always learn from the mistake and this mistake indeed tough me a big lesson. Human are always easy to make mistake but the matter of point is whether did we learn from it or not. When ever before I did something, I will always remind myself to think twice. Let's learn together :)

Friday, December 9, 2011

Wrong way...!


Today, well not exactly today and I know this guy name Zam. He already married with few kids which already grew up and studying at college, university level. He is about early 40 years old, I guess! I know him like 4 to 5 month but at first I get to know him as friend, perhaps as brother I guess.

We always chat at YM, talk in the phone and sms sometime. Day by day, I don't how to describe it 100% but at least I know some how rather this kind of feeling is wrong! I'd tried to fight the feelings but it growing up aggressively inside me with my knowledge but I'd nothing to stop. Even though me and him (Zam) didn't contact each other daily, often to be precise but when we saw each other in YM we'll started to chat and he'll so kind to me by using romantic words which I always melt for! I won't said it as a love on him but just like him that's all but he do love me!

And today, I felt so bad towards Alif and feel cheating behind him, indeed I am! Me and Zam planned to meet end of this month but right after everything is completed such as planning, I started to think what the fuck am I doing, I'm such a bitch! I'm so disappointed at my behavior and shame at myself for doing such without Alif knowledge, how cheap I am!

I just can't understand why can I tell the truth to those wanted to tackle me that I already have bf and control my feelings at them but why can't at Zam? Is that because he always talk sweet to me? I don't know and I can't understand why. But at last I'd made up my mind that this is entirely bullshit and fucking wrong which is not right at all, indeed it is not right! This is not me, not a real me, I'm so weak! I felt so bad for what I've done and I know there's no point being sad what had happen but rather find solution to solve it.

Well, I really can't forgive myself for this to let such things occurs. The first big mistake that I was made is create the feelings on Zam and let me flow on it! I know it's not too late to solve this but I must learn from it, that is why human always makes mistake, am I right and this is not the right excuse, I know! But however, I must stop it right away and be straight forward at Zam for let him have no feelings on me anymore and same goes to me as well. I know he like me but I'm belong to only Alif, not for others! I do feel sorry for Zam and of course Alif what I had did to him!

No matter what happen, I'm only for Alif until our relationship end! I love you so much awk....

Monday, November 21, 2011

Brain ask....Heart answer....!


Today morning while listening music and doing my work at office, my brain started to think and throw me a question all of sudden.

Brain: Why you want to stick with one while out there have so many like you and want you in their life?

Within a second my heart answer the brain question

Heart: Out there may have thousands people who like and wish to have you in their life but only one person who love you, Alif!

I started to smile all alone my office room without a reason thinking about him, only him in my mind and heart.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

HIV test....!


Me: Awk, sejak kebelakangan ni saya asyik rasa letih lah wak :(

Alif: Knp? Awk tak tak cukup rehat tu :)

Me: Entahlah wak, saya tadi ada baca tanda2 HIV wak

Alif: Knp tiba2 nak baca benda macam tu?

Me: Xderlah wak, entah saya tiba2 terbaca hehe

Alif: So, apa yang dier tulis dalam tu?

Me: Dier tulis kalau ada HIV akan rasa letih, berat badan akan menurun, sering sakit kepala,
xder selere nak makan tapi saya ok jew nak waktu makan heheheh

Alif: Awk, Awk rasa letih sebab awk tak cukup rehat, berat badan awk xpernah turun lah wak asyik 50kg jew dari dulu sampai skrg hehehe awk sakit kepala sebab awk ada migrain. Pasal makan tu awk ada jew kot selere nak makan hahahaha

Me: Awk jahat heheheh awk, saya skrg ke klinik ambik ubat demam. Leh tak kalau nak buat HIV test sekali just untuk precaution wak..

Alif: Hmmm buat jewlah, alang2 dah pergi tu

Me: Baik tuan!

Yes, I'd the HIV test. It was so damn scary waiting for the result to come out. I did the test on monday and the result expected to come on friday!

Me: Awk, saya dah buat test. Result akan kuar jumaat nanti. Habis darah saya wak :(

Alif: Hmmm ok lah tu. Knp plak darah habis?

Me: Yerlah wak, dahlah sikit jew darah itupun doktor dah curi hehehe

Alif: Awk ni hahahaha

Me: Wak, saya takutlah wak..takut result tu nanti :(

Alif: Eh awk ni...xder apa lah. Kita fikir positive k :)

Me: Ok wak thanks :)

Day by day, on wednesday evening at about 6pm doctor text me regarding the result.

Doc: Pat, your result is out.

Me: Hmmm let's hear it!

Doc: Hahaha good news, you free from HIV test hahahaa

Me: Hahahah OMG! Thank you so much doctor hehe will visit you tomorrow

Doc: Sure, will looking forward to meet you as well :)
_____________________________________________________________________________

Me: Awk...result dah kuar...yeayyyyyy saya free dari HIV hahaha

Alif: Syukur allahmdullilah (sorry if the spelling is wrong)

Me: hahahah wak...I miss you hehe

Alif: Miss u 2

Yes guys, I'd HIV test which is good to know my own health condition. Alif also want to do the test as well. Is not about you had sex with who but it about your health to know the status.

I did mine and when is your turn?


Do you trust him....???


Well, not one but more ask me this question over and over! Do you trust whatever Alif said to you? What would my answer will be other than 'yes, of course I trust him'! Yes, I'd said before trust no one in your life except yourself but when it comes to a relationship you must trust partner as how you trust yourself.

Yes, it's risky to trust a person but when it's about relationship, is nothing without trust! Me and Alif is living really far away, not even meeting every week like before but I trust him and he trust me. Love is all about trust each other! What ever me and Alif doing, we always will inform each other no matter important or not. Sometime, yes he'd stopping me from doing something and I never consider that as a he taking control over me but rather think positive as he taking care of me, who know better what's good and bad.

We all are learning everyday and I always learn new things and behavior from Alif indirectly. I know about Alif, know better than others. That is why when people say something like want to tackle him, I'll always say go ahead because I know who is Alif and how will he react :)

Trust me, love will never workout without trust! If you really love a person then you've to trust your lover. As for me, I always trust Alif and he'll never lie to me. Even if there is, I'm sure he have reasonable reason for it :)

I love you wak heheh :p