R.I.P - A tribute for my friend * Muhd Azrie *

Yesterday, it was his birthday. A young guy who have ambition in his life to have a better future, yet god love him more than anyone else who know him. Muhd Azrie, one of my Facebook friend who know each other for quite some time was leave the earth few month ago due to some his lung contaminated by fluid. Apparently, not much FB knows about this till yesterday the news was conveyed by one of his friend.

Azrie, age 20, cute, handsome, and a guy who always like to cheer up others. I didn’t meet him personally before but we do communicate through phone and social network. As I said, god loves him more than anyone else in this world. Soon after I know about this, I started to think when my turn is. Well, I don’t expect to die as what Azrie suffered but who knows and who are we to decide how to die.

Came to think about this, I then realized that there’s nothing can guarantee our life for tomorrow or the next second. I started to think how much time I do have to show my love to the people around me? All this while, I’m not sure about all of you but for me there’re people who I do hate them, who know them like TnGo, who I like the most and who I love the most. Did I spend enough time with them to know more them more? Or, did they spend enough time to know me more?

God send us to this world to make friends, not enemy! I was started to decide to not going to waste my time anymore hating people, what do I get by doing so? But sometime, most of the most we only say it but we still remain the same, keep hating people, being harsh with them, forget those people who love us the most.

After all this, I taught myself to appreciate my life, appreciate the people around me, and be happy with what I have now in my life. Without them, I’m no one today in this world!

For my friend Muhd Azrie, we always will love you and miss you the most. May your soul rest in peace with among the others in heaven.

R.I.P

Until then, so & so

PP

Things has changed much

It’s been almost 1 month after the so call no sweet moment with me and J but it seems changed most especially in J himself.  It can be clearly seen in J, the way he talk to me, the way he text me and his behaviors really changed from what I’d seen in him before this.

As you guys know, there’s few month where me and J practiced distance relationship while I work at Pahang and he at KL. No doubt it’s enough to create problem between us I mean yeah people do always say distance relationship will not stand long. For me it is totally wrong, take me and J as example. We really made it for almost few months, as long as there’s trust we can sleep peacefully.

After that much things happen between us where J keep quiet for almost a month where he can not to answer my call nor reply my messages.  I thought that’s it, nothing can be done anymore and it’s the end of our relationship at that point of time but I still wait for me, I want him to make the move to tell me to back off if he really wanted to break this. I was almost lost my confidence over this and the feeling tortured my every day, I could no longer be patient anymore to hold on this.

So I called him to break this off, he answered and acknowledged the break of this relationship. I felt freedom at that point off time, a strange sound inside me ask me to enjoy my life. Go out and get a life rather than keep thinking about this, and I thought there’s nothing more between me and J anymore and it’s time to move on in my life. Alif, is the place where I learn to be happy, a person who make me laugh every day. Don’t get me wrong people, there’s nothing going on between us, not more a friend to be precise.

I could only able to thought this is how it should be, I should move on and be happy always. Even try to hide my feelings and pretended to be happy, J always in my mind, in my heart and he is at everywhere I see. Yet I denied the feelings and being ego but not J, he messaged a few days after. The message sounds like this:

J              : Hye dear, knp senyap jew?

PP           : Nothing, but ask that to yourself!

J              : What did I do?

PP           : Don’t ask me! What you want from me for god sake!

J              : Just you dear, nothing else but just you

PP           : *started to cry*

Believe me or not, the word he said *just you dear, nothing else but just you* I still can remember it clearly. I could feel his sincerity in that words and voice, so peaceful and calm as if like I’m combined with his soul. That’s it, he is the one! I decided immediately that he is one for me, hey come on this breakup thingies happens to me and J before but we still get back together. I don’t J’s motif for doing so like when I say let’s breakup with emotional and he’ll say ok. But the nest day, he still text me. I mean, I don’t know but don’t you guys feels something different in J? I could feel it, J is a total different person from all I've known this while, and he is completely different.

After so call drama, everything changes in him. He played an important role to save our relationship and it seems positive, a changes where I didn't see in J before. Ohm, he text me every morning and I can feel that we’re even more closer than before. J seems to be more protective of me, he don’t allow me to meet with anyone that I recently know, he control me in terms of financial well not much but at least I can see he is trying. I don’t know how many lovers willing to give money to their lover but J gave me money and of course I’ll give it back to him and I did haha, but doesn't that fascinating? The feelings is so different in me, I love him even more. J also started to angry at me sometime, like scold me when I done something wrong and yeah its fun haha. He even use *sayang* when texting which he never done it before, we go shopping, we go for movie. It’s going good for now and I’m trying everything to protect it.

I love you J…..

Until then, so & so

PP

When your love one trust you :)

Hello everyone, doing well? Or still searching for soul mates? Trust me, there's no rush when it's comes to love. Let it happen by itself, no point rushing and break up in 2 days! The most important thing is be happy, remember guys, happiness is the only thing we cannot buy in our life. So just go out and enjoy life while we can and it doesn't mean I'm asking you to become slut, remain loyal and sincere with your love one. The type of enjoying I'm talking about it go out with your love one, spend time with him or her. The world is going to be end guys, so dying on someone arms that we love seems like good way to go haha!

Alright alright, let's dive into today title. Well, I'm not a love guru but I'm talking on my own original and genuine experience in love like others. have you guys realize there are some quotes which always tell us "Don't trust anyone in your life except yourself" but one must remember love is all about trusting each other and without trust it will always leads to breakup. As I said, it always contradict with one and another, it's confusing and I know haha. 

Sometime it depends on you guys on who to trust or otherwise. Come on, we all grown up and know well what's going on around us. You can't go around and ask for people opinion on this! There might a lot of different opinion will be given by other because as to them the person might not can be trusted but the same person might be different in his/behavior with you, so you're right person to decide.

For me, trust must be involved in love and it's the most important tools which required in a relationship. In my current relationship with J, I faced no problem when it comes to trust even there's some misunderstanding for his silent but it was well sorted out. J trust me in every way and out and so do I, he trust me. He trust in my love for him, he trust in my loyalty for him, he trust in my sincerity and he trust that I'm only for him. For now I'm happy with they way we're and expecting nothing much :)

So what you guys waiting for......chill till the next entry yar...!!!

until then, so & so

PP

Who is Jeff in my LIFE...?

Who is Jeff in my life? I'm sure of you wondering to the same question too and it's time to reveal who is he, let me give him a nick 'J'. My apologize for not being so clear about him in my previous post, neither in the latest one. The reason for not doing so is pretty simple thought, I just don't want to reveal about him too fast like what I'd to those I know in my life. 

It must be strange for not being reveal about him but let's not talk about this first! Well, I know Jeff from Facebook of course and as usual we'd exchange few messages upon the friends approval and we stop there. I didn't put much interest to know him at that point of time because I was so loyal and honest to Alif. I bet you guys must still remember who is Alif right, just pretend to know if you don't haha!

Me and Jeff catch up back in Facebook again on my 22nd birthday while I was still working at Penjom. 

It started when he sent me wishes and we exchanged number of it till he gave me him hand phone number. We continued over the phone, day and night! 

Jeff is a doctor Who work at petaling jaya in a hospital of course. Age is 25 by the time I'm posting this, same age with Alif, again! I just don't know why the hell everything must be same with Alif or almost close with him, just don't talk about him right now. Past couple of days after, we planned to meet at my previous house at permaisuri, I'm such a bitch right but nothing happen idiots! Don't be so excited! Oh yeah, I shifted out from permaisuri to Ampang, that would be another chapter. 

Jeff is the same height with me, close enough. Have a fair skin and the best part is he's a good guy for my eyes. A person who always like to bully me and he teach me lots of lesson, asking me question and expecting me to answer. The day past and both of us seems click to each other, comfortable to knowing each other. We sort of trying out to move on further into relationship, I was happy with him but its not easy being into relationship, a lot of problem you'll be required to face and its not easy after all!

We like each other but we never declared on our relationship until such a period where some drama involved, the real one. 

It's been 10 months now me and Jeff in relationship, nothing much nothing less me and him had been faced during the period and we still hold on tight with it, never give up and the doubt always arise how we work on it. Lets talk on the nest entry, I've got a lot to write and share with you all.  

Until then, be patient :)

The Meaning of *Kiss*....

*Kiss on the stomach: Lets have sex
*Kiss on the Forehead: Forever you will be mine
*Kiss on the Ear: I'm horny
*Kiss on the Cheek: We're friends
*Kiss on the Hand: I adore you
*Kiss on the Neck: We belong together
*Kiss on the Shoulder: I want you
*Kiss on the Lips: I love you and I want you
*Holding Hands: We can learn to love each other
*Slap on the Butt: That's mine
*Playing with the Ear: I can't live without you
*Holding on tight: Don't let go
*Looking into each other's Eyes: Don't leave me
*Playing with Hair on Head: Tell me you love me
*Arms around the Waist: I love you too much to let go
*Laughing while Kissing: I am completely comfortable with you

Let's share, interesting :)

What hurts you the most in your life?

In my life, there are tonnes of things, situation and feelings which hurts me but sometime there's something which hurt me the most which is to see the person you loved or loving love someone else. This time, I'm going to talk about few situation which related to feelings especially love. I always do have this question running in my mind, why love sometime can make us happy and make us felt we're the king of the world but sometime the same love can drawn to the sea. I'd tried to search for the answer but guess, there's no answer for it, correct me if I'm wrong!

First situation is where to see you someone that left you is loving someone else. Is not because of jealous but it's hurt to see you know when the other person make you felt like am I no good or what is wrong with me? I mean I love him with honesty, sincerely and do the best for him. I'm not saying I'm good or to show off but I always want the best for the person that I love, I want that person to be happy always, keep smiling :). Even though I know the relationship will end up no where but I took the responsibilities to show my love but at the end of the day it hurts me back.

Second situation is where you know someone, be friends with him, be there always for him whenever he need you, make him happy, comfort him, motivate him, make him become stronger knowing you yourself are weak but yet willing to help him. One day, you found that you've got feelings for him and when about to express your feelings to him, he found someone in their life. It hurt you inside but you wish him all the best and congratulation, say some nice words with a fake smile. 

Be there for him even he is with someone else, kept your feelings towards him inside your heart. Days are flowing like rivers, you tried to express your feelings even you know it's wrong but he treat you like a doll. You message him more than his lover do, accompany him whenever he felt lonely but there's no one comfort you or accompany you when you're lonely. You kept all this in your heart, hard to let it out, there's no right one to share about it, there's no right one to comfort you, always live in your own imagination world with him.

One day, he make you felt you're worthless, he make you felt like begging for him for accept your love, he make you felt your love is so cheap but still you stand still hoping one day he'll accept you in his life. You tried and trying your level best to make him not to think you taking every chances to show your love or using any kind of situation to express your love.

You know that he'll never be yours, you lied to your feelings when ever he ask what kind of feelings you've for him. You lied to your heart in order to protect their relationship, you pretend like normal, like you've no feelings for them, you make yourself as a doll which have no feelings. You know it is wrong to love someone who already loving someone else so you buried your feelings and crying inside while smiling outside.

I prefer to kept it with myself....

It's not fair for me to stay I faced too much pain in my life while there are people who enduring more pain than what I endured before. I always endure it in my heart or else I'll post it in my blog, that is all I can do. It's not like there's no people that I can't share, yes, indeed there is and no doubt on that. But sometime it's not helpful, I don't know how to line up the words. Ok, put it in this way they hear what I say but there's no comfort even though they give some nice words. At the same time I do understand how they felt when someone expressing their feelings, like boring.

I blame no one at here but I wish to say thanks to all of you at least some of you read what I'm posting. Love life always back to square especially in PLU's life because there's nothing to bound for each other like marriage. So it's easy to brake anytime we want, right? Sometime I just don't know what I want in my life, it's not like this question didn't arise before but sometime I do have the doubt again and again in my heart. I can't be sure that I'm a perfect human but I can promise I'm ain't bad.

When I feel wanted to share what's in my heart, I can't find the right one to share. I always wish my parents were open but I don't want to hurt them either. The only solution, my heart, always talk to my heart, cure the pain with myself with no one. All I wish is only if I've someone just for me, always there for me, care for me, love me. Well, wish always remain as wish, that's what we call imagination which we can't bring it to reality.

No matter hoe many time I said I had enough with this love, no matter how many time I say don't want love anymore, I know one fine day I'll come with another posting which I fall for someone. Anyway, going to keep my face smile even it's fake while waiting for the time come. 

By saying this, I'm not going to chase the love. Let it come by itself either natural or whatever way it is, I'll just accept but I'm very careful when it comes to love. I'll never ever go for a person or accept a person who already have partner in their life, yes, I won't. Because I know how the pain would if you know your boyfriend have someone else in his life, I felt it before! I just don't care all of you wanted to say I'm desperate for love, go ahead, I know myself better more than anybody else.